In Response to My Recent Post

     I got back from vacation yesterday and was looking over my blog posts when I saw the last post... a web of lies woven by some nasty cat. I just would like to mention that the photos of dogs posted were not hideous. Especially me, I'm cute. Duh, have you not seen me! I would also like to say that unlike the hateful cat who posted the blog I will not say that the cats are ugly because it's not what on the outside that counts (though being adorable like me can help to get some extra food *wink* *wink*) it is what's on the inside that counts, so yes I still have an instinctual hatred of those cats but it's because they're cats not because of how they look, I'm above that kind of thing, cause I'm a dog, and dogs are better than cats, dogs are more mature than cats, dogs don't poop in a box, dogs have a greater IQ than cats, and you know what, dogs don't spend their days following the sun around, we pick a spot to sleep and stick to it!
     Now the dignified dog that I am I won't continue on this rant about cats (at this point in time) but I'm warning you cats, if one of you hacks my blog again you shall pay, I am twenty seven pounds of pure furry!

I Am a Total Idiot

Hi. Holly here. Today I realized that I am a TOTAL IDIOT. I am the dumbest dog ever. My species is stupid and pointless, and ugly. This is one of the ugliest dogs I have seen:

Here is another ugly dog:







another pretty uggs one.

And the ugliest one of all:

                        

 Isn't that just hideous? A despicable freak of nature that should be disposed of right this second. These ugly creatures should never be able to see the light of day without constantly being mocked by pigeons and frogs. 

 However, here are the cutest things ever known to cat, uhm, dog. I meant dog. yeah.

Good day to you sir, good day.

Hacked by a cat. BURN.

West Highland Story

Holly here, recently my lovely overseers discovered a breed of dog called the West Highland Terrier, who brilliantly decided to nickname themselves the “Westies” genius. Oh hey I’m an Eastie, or a Southie even a Northie, purebreds *cough* snobs *cough* are a pretty entitled bunch to come up with a nickname for their breeds, well two can play at that game. You know today I feel like naming my own (unique may I add) breed after myself, let’s see using Westie logic my breed would called the…Holl-ie…hmm… well I’ve gotten far off topic anyway the point I originally was trying to make is since these beastly cotton balls have come into my caretakers lives there has been nonstop talk about the dust bunnies. “Oh my gosh Westies are so cute!” gag. “Westies are my dream dog!” Hello? “Let’s kill Holly so we can get a Westie! *evil cackling*” Well okay so that one didn’t happen but it could you never know what could happen, these wolves in sheep’s clothing are deluding my owners minds!

I suppose I’m not being entirely fair, after all West Highlands are dogs, they are my kind and it’s not like they personally brainwashed my wardens (Though I’m warning you pooches if you did prepare for my wrath!) in the end really it’s my owners fault for succumbing to the cuteness, you know I thought that they were smarter than this, I thought they would realize that the depth of a dogs character is not defined by the length of their fur. Apparently not. You may find it juvenile that such an obsession would affect me in such a way but as I pass the age of eight I find it hard not to be envious of attention being given in such discriminate ways, I’m getting a gray snout you know. I don’t ask for much, but the undivided love of my owners would be nice. I’m not saying they have to look over me 24/7 (how would I write this blog?) but if they have to fawn over fluff balls could they at least have the courtesy to wait until I’m on a walk? Well that’s enough ranting for now, time to get some reading done, my new issue of Owners Monthly came in and this one’s special! Top 25 Owners to Replace Your Own With!

The 5 Steps to Happiness

 1: .....
 2: Don't be April fooled.
 3: You fell for it!
 4: Didn't you?
 5: I don't have a step 5 but I do have a story of my past April fools pranks. A few years ago, back in my puppy-hood I was quite the prankster and boy did I get my master good! I remember my best prank... it was 2008 I believe and my master was off at work when the rest of my family decided they would release my awesome pranking skills out on my master when he returned from work.
     It took intense planning, I think we spent about ten minutes! Which, if you consider my 15 second attention span it was brutal. But it was all worth it when he came home from work and opened the closet to hang up his suit and out popped yours truly, he gave a satisfying jump and headed towards the bathroom. This is when the perfectly executed timing came in. We had emptied the toilet paper roll so he would have to go in the cabinet underneath the sink for a new one and by the time he reached the bathroom I was positioned in the cabinet. Now that gave him a true shock, hew wasn't expecting another prank and he couldn't comprehend how I had made it to bathroom before him. We just told him that it was my twin sister Abigail underneath the sink but how I really got there will remain my little secret. ;)

Happy Easter!

     I'm sure everyone has been told a variation of the Easter story in some amount of depth or another. Well I'm putting off my ranting for a day to tell you the Easter story that I was taught as a puppy.
     A long, long time ago there was a man who could do amazing miracles a local border collie saw these miracles and thought that maybe this man could heal his sick puppies. As the border collie traveled home to get the puppies he overheard people plotting to kill Jesus, they didn't like that he could perform miracles and that people were following him. Shocked the border collie knew he must find Jesus and warn him. By the time he found Jesus and the 12 disciples again the sun was setting and they had all sat down for supper, the border collie ran up to Jesus and started whimpering and barking, doing all he could to warn him. Jesus started stroking the dog and told him that it was okay, then in a whisper that only the highly trained dog ears could hear he said "I already know, it is what I have to do" the border collie didn't quite understand but he trusted Jesus. Then with a scratch between his ears Jesus told the collie to bring his puppies and they would be healed.
     The dog cocked his head in a nod and started to leave, when he got outside he went around back to do his business and when he came back around he saw one of the disciples giving Jesus a kiss on his cheek.
     The trip was long but the dog ran fast. The border collie and his wife gathered the pups into a basket and carried them back to where Jesus and the disciples had been eating, but they weren't there.
        "If you're looking for Jesus, he isn't here. The guards took him," A little old lady said sadly.
     In a rush they traveled to where he was being kept. When they found Jesus he healed the sick pups and the parents were very thankful. The border collie wished he could do something to thank him for saving his puppies but guards came and shooed them away as they took Jesus.
     On their way home the dogs saw Jesus walking down the street carrying a cross, it looked heavy and he looked tired. The dog knew what he had to do thank him! He ran into the street and hefted the end of the cross unto his back and carried it the rest of the way.

I Am a Dog. Not a Doll.

Hi guys. Today I want to talk about a kind of treatment my humans sometimes give me. Uncomfortable, and awkward, but not painful. Usually. But anyway, they treat me like a doll. It's like they forget I'm alive sometimes and think that I'm just a stuffed animal. 

This is me when they decided my golden fur wasn't good enough

Here I am sporting the Christmas ornaments, every dog's dream.

 

Oh look, I'm wearing my boy's old pajamas. Fun.

And finally here I am... as a lamb. Okay so this one's photo-shopped but you get the point.

How is that fair?

I shouldn't be treated like a doll. Does this happen to any other dogs? Do any other dogs get dressed up in costumes?Am I the only one going through this?

I AM Self Aware

Hey, Holly here again, and a few days ago, I heard my owners talking about how they feel bad for me because I'm not self aware. I mean, seriously?!!?!?!

 I write a blog! I'm a dog! I AM Self Aware!! Wait, wait. Did I just call them my owners? They even have me saying it now!!!!!! I"m a living, breathing creature!! They can't own me! Wasn't there a war about people owning other people? Why not dogs? Can't we have equal rights, too? I say this. Start a new country. A country of dogs. That might provoke a new war. One that would get dogs equal rights when we win. I say this, but I don't intend to get off of my computer and do it. I'm too scared. Plus, I like living. Someone has to be the Commander in Chief, am I right? I can get you guys some Nerf guns, I think we might have some in the attic. Although I don't know how you would hold them. Or fire them...

Feedback is Welcome!

 If you're willing to join my army, sign up for the draft in the comments section below!

I Am Not an Animal!

    Hey there! While taking a walk on a (shudder) leash it occurred to me that they treat me like a...a...a animal! Do you know what I have to say to that?!

  

                                          

Ok... so maybe I am. 

But that is so besides the point! 

     The real message I'm trying to get across here is just because I was born with fur and a tail, and just because my humans aren't privileged to have four legs on which to run does not give them any right to treat me different? If you were born with four hips instead of shoulders would we tie a belt around your neck and walk you on a rope? 

     Just because we dogs look different and okay act a little different (It's not everyday you see a human go to the bathroom in public.. and if you do you're probably in WalMart.) does not mean you should treat us different. Even though our lack of proper vocal chords does not give us the ability to communicate directly, does not mean that when we cock our heads to the side or give you The Look we are asking you to dress us up in tutu's or (ahem masters) hot dog costumes -_-. Neither does it mean we want to be paraded in a pink bedazzled dog carrier. But most of all let it be known when we scratch our ear, we are doing just that scratching our ear not trying to communicate in some code to say "Oh remember that ugly painful cone of shame I wore last year that I hated? Yeah, can I have that back? Pleeeeease!"  

     When a dog gives you The Look they are saying I am an intelligent race. Remember that basset hound that looked so sad perhaps maybe it was because he knew the cure to cancer and couldn't tell you!

     Hold on I'm sorry I really can't speak for all dog's like any race some just really are idiots.

The Disgusting Diner

     This is my third blog post and I'm getting to really like this, I'm finally being able to reflect on the unfairness of being a dog. You know it's not like I can speak English or anything but thankfully I can read and write.
     It's about time I brought awareness to the food I've been receiving, the same "food"  that most of my kind receive.  They feed me little clumps of saw dust with a "meat" flavoring while they sit at the table eating foods with wondrous aromas. Do they not realize that my nose is 40x stronger than theirs and that food is beyond tempting. So can you blame me for taking a bite of the leftovers you leave for me on the table? Well they can! One bite of KFC and BAM! in the Naughty Box for the night! Again with the double standard. They control my nourishment intake and can touch my bowls at anytime but can I touch theirs? No. -_-

If you have any questions feel free to comment below! 

This is FARTA!

       Hi, Holly, here to talk to you again about living a dog's life and the injustices that come with. Today I want to talk to you about...FARTING! (Imagine I'm saying this in a thick German accent (just for the lolz))
       If you're a dog or you own a dog or you live near a person that owns a dog or your couzins, little sisters',best friends', principle owns a dog you've probably heard this; "Oh what's that smell?" "Eww the dog farted!" or "The dog did it" (or some other variation). Believe me if these little lips of mine could produce more sounds than woof I would scream at whoever utters these words with so much passion "WHO SMELT IT DEALT IT!" because let's be honest here have you ever actually seen a dog fart? If your answer was no, ding, ding, ding you're correct! If your answer was yes, You. Are. Feeding. It. The. Wrong. Food. Now, I'm glad that's cleared up :)

My Rebellion in Action

     To fully understand my acts of rebellion you must understand that under no circumstances may I set foot on the couch. Well, look at me now! Ignore the look of shame on my face I'm really not sorry.

The Problem with Poop Equality

          Hi, Holly, here, and this is my first Blog post. It took me a long time to get ready for this, because I had to pay someone to make me a custom dog keyboard, and learn not to type like; lj;afh;dskjfasd;fahjsdk.
          Today, I will be writing about The Problem with Poop Equality. Like, last week they caught me drinking out of the Porcelain Pond and you know what I got scolded, um excuse me? Can I not drink from where you leave your presents? Cause you know what I've been noticing? When we're on walks you pick up my poop and put in a bag for later. I get it, double standard -_- Seriously? Do you not see The Problem with Poop Equality? you know what? I'm going to start a petition, do you not see the wrongful behavior here that needs to be changed?
          To all the dogs across the world! We will make a stand, every Tuesday when your Master is doing their business I want you to walk in on them and stare them down like they do to you. You can try to bag their poo for later like they do to us but be warned it may result in scolding and solitary confinement in The Naughty Box.